There was a blonde, a red head and a brunette robbing shopping mall. They heard police sirens so the red head jumped into a bag on cats, the brunette into a bag of dogz and the blonde into a bag of potatoes. When the police came they kicked the sack with the red head in it. She said " Meow, Meow" "Just cats in there" said the policeman. Next he kicked the bag with the brunette in it. She went "woof, woof." " Just dogs in there" the policeman said. lastly he kicked the sack with the blonde in it. She said "Potatoes, potatoes."
A blonde walks up to a Coke machine in a Las Vegas casino, puts in a few coins, and out pops a Coke. She puts some more coins into the machine, and another can of soda pops out. She keeps putting in coins, and cans of soda keep coming out. A guy walks up behind her and says, "Can I please use the machine?" "Buzz off!" she says. "Can't you see I'm winning?"
A beautiful blonde gets on an airplane going to Los Angeles and sits in First Class. The flight attendant tells her that her ticket is for a coach seat and would she please go to her proper seat. The blonde says; "I'm blonde and beautiful and I'm going to Los Angeles first class." "I'm sorry," says the flight attendant "but your ticket is for coach and this seat was paid for by someone else." At which the blonde says; "I'm blonde and beautiful and I'm going to Los Angeles first class." The flight attendant goes to the pilot with the problem. The pilot walks up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes back to her coach seat. The flight attendant asks the pilot what she said to the blonde. "It's simple," says the female pilot "I told her that first class wasn't going to Los Angeles."
A brunette, redhead and blonde went to a fitness spa for some fun and relaxation. After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said,"Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded with a wish. But be warned, for if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!" The three women quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, the Brunette said, "I think I'm the most beautiful of us three" and in an instant she was surrounded by a pile of money. The redhead stepped up and said, "I think I'm the most talented of us three", and she suddenly found the keys to a brand new Lexus in her hands. Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the blonde looked into the mirror and said, "I think..." and was promptly sucked into the mirror.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Blonde inventions
Water proof towel.
Solar powered flash light.
Water proof tea bag.
Pedal powered wheel chair.
Boom-a-rang that doesn't come back when you throw it.
Dictionary index.
A book on how to read.
Submarine screen door.
Ejector seat in a helicoptor.
Inflatable dart board
She was so blonde that...
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She managed to trip over my cordless phone.
On the bottom of the job application where it said 'Sign Here' she wrote 'Aquarias'.
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She told me to meet her on the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".
She tried to place a bag of M&M's in alphabetical order.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
She took a ruler to bed so she could see how long she slept.
When she got an AM radio, it took her 10 month to figure out she could use it at night.
She spent 25 minutes staring at the Orange juice box cos it said - "concentrate"
She got stabbed in a Shoot out.
She used to sit on the tv so she could watch the couch.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.
She thinks Eartha Kitt is a set of gardening tools.
When she saw the sign for YMCA she said: "LOOK, they've spelled MACY's wrong!!!"
She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".
She put lippie on her forehead cos her boyfriend told her to make up her mind.
She tried to drown a fish.
If you offered her a Penny for her thoughts, you'd get change.
She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
She took a Spoon to the Super Bowl.
It takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
She asked for a Price-check at the 'Everythings a Pound' store.
They had to burn her school down to get her outta 4th grade.
She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
Two blondes decided that this Christmas they wanted to cut down their own Christmas tree. So they drove two hours into the country and walked deep into the woods to find the perfect Christmas tree. They had planned the trip well, especially considering that they were blond. They were dressed warmly with boots, warm coats and hats. They had a chain saw, hatchet, a bag to protect the tree and rope to drag it back to their car. Every detail was covered. They searched and searched. They had gone to all this trouble, nothing but the prefect tree would do. They searched for hours through knee deep snow and biting wind. Finally, five hours later with the sun beginning to go down, one blonde says to the other, "I can't take this anymore. I give up! There are hundreds of beautiful trees out here. Let's just pick one whether it's decorated or not!"
There was a blonde, a red head and a brunette robbing shopping mall. They heard police sirens so the red head jumped into a bag on cats, the brunette into a bag of dogz and the blonde into a bag of potatoes. When the police came they kicked the sack with the red head in it. She said " Meow, Meow" "Just cats in there" said the policeman. Next he kicked the bag with the brunette in it. She went "woof, woof." " Just dogs in there" the policeman said. lastly he kicked the sack with the blonde in it. She said "Potatoes, potatoes."
A blonde walks up to a Coke machine in a Las Vegas casino, puts in a few coins, and out pops a Coke. She puts some more coins into the machine, and another can of soda pops out. She keeps putting in coins, and cans of soda keep coming out. A guy walks up behind her and says, "Can I please use the machine?" "Buzz off!" she says. "Can't you see I'm winning?"
A beautiful blonde gets on an airplane going to Los Angeles and sits in First Class. The flight attendant tells her that her ticket is for a coach seat and would she please go to her proper seat. The blonde says; "I'm blonde and beautiful and I'm going to Los Angeles first class." "I'm sorry," says the flight attendant "but your ticket is for coach and this seat was paid for by someone else." At which the blonde says; "I'm blonde and beautiful and I'm going to Los Angeles first class." The flight attendant goes to the pilot with the problem. The pilot walks up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes back to her coach seat. The flight attendant asks the pilot what she said to the blonde. "It's simple," says the female pilot "I told her that first class wasn't going to Los Angeles."
A brunette, redhead and blonde went to a fitness spa for some fun and relaxation. After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said,"Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded with a wish. But be warned, for if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!" The three women quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, the Brunette said, "I think I'm the most beautiful of us three" and in an instant she was surrounded by a pile of money. The redhead stepped up and said, "I think I'm the most talented of us three", and she suddenly found the keys to a brand new Lexus in her hands. Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the blonde looked into the mirror and said, "I think..." and was promptly sucked into the mirror.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Blonde inventions
She was so blonde that...
She thought a quarterback was a refund.She managed to trip over my cordless phone.
On the bottom of the job application where it said 'Sign Here' she wrote 'Aquarias'.
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She told me to meet her on the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".
She tried to place a bag of M&M's in alphabetical order.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
She took a ruler to bed so she could see how long she slept.
When she got an AM radio, it took her 10 month to figure out she could use it at night.
She spent 25 minutes staring at the Orange juice box cos it said - "concentrate"
She got stabbed in a Shoot out.
She used to sit on the tv so she could watch the couch.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.
She thinks Eartha Kitt is a set of gardening tools.
When she saw the sign for YMCA she said: "LOOK, they've spelled MACY's wrong!!!"
She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".
She put lippie on her forehead cos her boyfriend told her to make up her mind.
She tried to drown a fish.
If you offered her a Penny for her thoughts, you'd get change.
She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
She took a Spoon to the Super Bowl.
It takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
She asked for a Price-check at the 'Everythings a Pound' store.
They had to burn her school down to get her outta 4th grade.
She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
Two blondes decided that this Christmas they wanted to cut down their own Christmas tree. So they drove two hours into the country and walked deep into the woods to find the perfect Christmas tree. They had planned the trip well, especially considering that they were blond. They were dressed warmly with boots, warm coats and hats. They had a chain saw, hatchet, a bag to protect the tree and rope to drag it back to their car. Every detail was covered. They searched and searched. They had gone to all this trouble, nothing but the prefect tree would do. They searched for hours through knee deep snow and biting wind. Finally, five hours later with the sun beginning to go down, one blonde says to the other, "I can't take this anymore. I give up! There are hundreds of beautiful trees out here. Let's just pick one whether it's decorated or not!"